


Heartbreak

by BurntGayPotato



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Basically abandoned, Depression, He wasn’t in control, Implied/Referenced Self Harm, It Gets Worse, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, blood warning, not done, the plotline swerved from my control
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 03:14:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19242682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurntGayPotato/pseuds/BurntGayPotato
Summary: This is just a sneak peak of what is to comeNext chapter will rewind a bitI’m really sorry sorta





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a sneak peak of what is to come  
> Next chapter will rewind a bit  
> I’m really sorry sorta

Connor ran to the bathroom, tears streaming down his face. He didn’t even try to resist as he watched his hand reach out to grab Zoe’s purple plastic razor. Usually he’d hesitate, thinking of how much he’d worry Evan, but not this time. This time there was no Evan. This time the blond couldn’t do anything to change his mind.

-

Evan hugged his knees to his chest, sobbing uncontrollably on the floor of Connor’s bedroom. He couldn’t bear the thought of what he’d done. What he might’ve caused to happen. And there was nothing that could fix it but time. Time he and Connor might not have.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and *heart clutch*

** Ten minutes earlier **

Connor flopped down on his bed next to Evan. The blond sighed and began to talk. 

“I just can’t do this, you know? I can’t tell my mom we’re together. She knows nothing and it’s been months! How would I do that?” He threw his uninjured arm up in exasperation.

“Well what do you want me to do? Like you said she knows nothing. I can’t do anything. You haven’t even come out yet, how would I be able to tell her we were dating any better than you?” Connor reasoned in an attempt to calm his boyfriend. The thing is though, he wasn’t very good at calming.

“Alright, just, how did you do it with Zoe and your parents?” Evan asked for the thousandth time. The shorter boy began to pace the room and Connor sat up.

“I told you, they found out in the midst of a fight! That’s not how you’d want it to go with Heidi is it?”

“Of course not!” 

“Well then don’t go to me for advice!” 

“Connor you are supposed to be helping!” 

“Says who!?” As soon as the words left his mouth, Connor winced. Obviously as Evan’s boyfriend he was supposed to help him and care. And he did care, it was just a hard day.

“I don’t know,” The pacing boy gestured wildly around the room. “I just thought you  wanted  to help me come out to my mom! You  _are_   my boyfriend after all!”

“I  do  want to help I just-“

“What, you just don’t care?” Evan regretted everything that he’d said so far, but he couldn’t stop. He was stressed, and he hadn’t yet realized that he was taking it all out on Connor.

“That’s is NOT what I was saying!” Connor began to raise his voice and stood up from his spot on the bed.

“Well than what WERE you saying? That you just ‘can’t do anything’? That you ‘wish you knew how to help’?” Evan mocked, in a tone very unlike him. 

“Well, yeah! I wish I could help you! But you said it yourself, I can’t do anything!” 

“You can stand by me! You can support me and be there if she yells at me!” The blond begged his mouth to close, to stop this ridiculousness and apologize.

“How would I support you if  I  don’t get support? It’s not like I could let you sleep here! You know how Larry is!”

“It’s not all about you and your problems!” Evan might as well have been watching this argument from a movie screen with how far from his usual respect and carefulness his words were. He was out of control.

“No one said it was!” Connor roared, moving forward. “You just can’t stay here when  they  are around!”

“You’re useless in this discussion! We’ve already established that!”

Connor froze for a moment before anger fuled by sorrow flared on his face.

“Do you wanna say that again?” He growled barely louder than a sigh.

Evan didn’t. He didn’t want to say it again. He wanted to run to Connor and apologize. He wanted to wrap his arms around the taller boy and stay there for hours. He wanted to do anything but repeat his harsh statement. 

But he did.

“You’re useless.”

Connor jerked forward, as if to fly at Evan and take him down. But he stopped and just stood there, head down shaking from head to toe. Evan spied a tear falling off his boyfriend’s cheek.

“I see.” Connor whipped his head up and Evan saw that his face was wet with tears and his eyes were red. “Well then you can just go, I’m done with this shit.” The taller croaked turning and walking out of the room.

 

As soon as Connor was outside the bedroom, he broke into a run, tears streaming down his face. He didn’t even try to resist as he watched his hand reach out to grab Zoe’s purple plastic razor. Usually he’d hesitate, thinking of how much he’d worry Evan, but not this time. This time there was no Evan. This time the blond couldn’t do anything to change his mind.

-

When Connor’s pounding footsteps echoed through the hallways, Evan snapped out of his rage. He sank to the ground and cried, all his strange anger twisting into regret and sorrow. The blond hugged his knees to his chest, sobbing uncontrollably on the floor. He couldn’t bear the thought of what he’d done. What he might’ve caused to happen. And there was nothing that could fix it but time. Time he and Connor might not have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why.  
> It gets worse.  
> The next chapter is already in progress this is proving to be what erases my block.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn it.

After five minutes, Evan calmed himself enough to go check up on Connor. That calm, however, I didn’t last. The first thing Evan heard behind the bathroom door was muffled subs. He placed a hand over his mouth and slid silently to the floor, back to the door. 

And Connor had no clue that his boyfriend sat at the door like that for 10 minutes, each to your mirroring his.

When that 10 minutes was up, I’ve been stood up to leave. He hesitated when Connor’s sobs paused, but decided the brunet probably didn’t want to see him.

So Evan left for home.

As soon as Evan opened the door, his mother turned from hanging her coat up and drowned him with questions. Questions Evan was not in the mood to answer. They range from ‘what do you want for dinner?‘ to-

“Are you… crying?“ Heidi asked gently. “Did something happen while you were at Connor’s house?“ 

Evan squeezed his eyes shut and brushed past his mom. 

“Everything is fine, mom. I don’t want to talk right now. I’m gonna go take a shower.“

-

Connor regained consciousness Justin time to yank his sleeves down over the new, raw cuts that covered his wrists. A loud bang followed by an even louder swear told him that though he was home. Feeling groggy, he wandered back to his room – noting that Evan had in fact, left -and collapsed on the bed.

Someone knocked on the door and Connor grunted in response. Zoe entered, apparently taking her brothers lack of emotion as a “come in”. 

“Hey Connor,“ Zoe sat down next to him. “Wanna explain why there is blood on the bathroom floor?“

Great . Connor was so upset he got careless in cleanup.

“No, not really.” He mumbled into hissheets.

“Did something happen with Evan?“ She whispered, despite the fact that neither of their parents were home. Connor set up was the intent to yell at her, but found he didn’t have the energy for anger. 

Instead he found himself stop doing something he hadn’t done in years. 

He opened up to and actually talked to Zoe.

“Yeah.” Connor muttered, lowering his head to hide the tears in his eyes. “We had a fight.“

“Oh. Do, uh, you want to talk?“ 

He didn’t. Not really. But he did.

“Well,“ Zoe began when Connor finished. “That isn’t too bad. You guys will patch up soon. There’s no need to cut.“

That’s at Connor off. He didn’t feel in control. His head felt numb, and heavy. He wasn’t thinking clearly.

“How. How is it not a big deal. He called me useless.”

His vision was blurry from tear.

“It was clearly just heat-of-the-moment. He’ll apologize and things will get better.”

He wasn’t in control.

“No it wasn’t, he knows it. I know it. You know it.“ 

He wasn’t in control. 

“I – no – I just -“

He wasn’t in control.

“YES, ZOE, I AM. WE ALL KNOW I’M A USELESS SCREWUP.” Connor screamed, tears flowing. He wasn’t in control. He grabbed a half empty glass from his nightstand and chucked it. He wasn’t in control. Water spilled everywhere. He wasn’t in control. Zoe backed out of the room quickly. 

He wasn’t in control. 

He screwed up everything like always, 

And he wasn’t in control when he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys. He wasn’t in fucking control. I can’t stress that feeling enough. Screwing up and being kind of an ass but feeling like you just want to stop.  
> But you can’t.  
> The storyline will progress a bit more during next chapter don’t worry.

**Author's Note:**

> OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY FOR HE LACK OF POSTING ESPECIALLY ON STAFF OF ARES AND DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ;-;  
> I’m on mobile for the summer so it’s hard and I’ve got block on top of that all.
> 
> More to come and I will (eventually) post a cover art for this on maybe Tumblr @BurntGayPotato


End file.
